Travel Lies I Was Told Before Having Kids

Mar 1

Motherhood is talked about with a divided timeline- your life BEFORE becoming a mom, and your life AFTER you become a mom. For some things this is true: anatomically your body is different having carried and delivered a child (or twins in my case), you understand the word "tired" on a whole new level, your mental capacity to care for other living beings expands to infinite limits. But there are also before and after timelines that new mothers are told that I don't agree with, and in my life I have rebelled against- the cultural "before and afters."

I grew up in a traditional Southern extended family. It was a right of passage to attend Cotillion, young ladies were to be refined and pleasant, fathers were expected to be the breadwinners, and at my all girls high school when we worked on college applications the joke was "What college are you getting your MRS. degree from?"

But thank God for my mother. As a wife, mother of 3 girls, and daughter to hard working parents, she pushed back against the Old South mentality of "women just make babies" and passed it on to her daughters as well. She had a career, she ran the house, she made sure my sisters and I had what we needed, she was the "hostess with the mostess," and drilled into the three of us that we lived in an "equal opportunity household" (meaning we girls could do anything the boys did... and probably better!). I'm sure she ruffled some feathers with her in-law side of the family during the early years, but both my parents encouraged us to play sports, follow our interests, go as far as we wanted with our education, and didn't push us to find a beau and be married off at the age of 22 to go make grand babies. My mom showed me you could have lots of versions of yourself for each stage of life, you don't have to follow the crowd, and you could care for your children without losing yourself in the process. She constantly reminded my sisters and me that we "don't have to do it like them. Make your own way. What do you want to do?" She gave us courage to rebel against the gender stereotypes (like her packing my bag to go on the father/son hunting trip, teaching us about cars and maintenance, letting us travel solo, and being an example of "You don't need a man to do that") everyday.

So I credit my mom with planting the seed for me to push back on the Southern, and to a larger extent American, beliefs of what happens before/after you become a mother. By being our example and fostering a healthy buck to the system mentality, I now know these common things said to young women are actually

Travel Lies I was told before having kids-

Either you have a family or you travel around the world. Not both.
If you don't put down roots your children won't know where home is.
Get travel out of your system before kids, because after they're born you won't have time/money/freedom/energy to do it with kids.
Be ready to spend the next 18 years at home because it's "not safe, too expensive, won't have time off, children's schedule will be too busy" to travel.
You'll never be able to go anywhere alone again.
Your husband/partner can't take care of the kids all by himself.
You can't have a successful career/business, be an attentive parent, and travel. It's impossible.
You won't have time to visit friends or take a day to yourself.
Every family trip will cost $10,000. (Or be limited to Disney or the beach.)
You'll plan all your trips around school holidays and get 2 weeks vacation from your job.
Your kids won't remember it, so there's no point in going.
Taking them away from their routine is going to backfire and make you miserable.
They just need to stay around their safety net- a small group of family and friends.
They won't have any friends if they're not in school or day care, and y'all are gone all the time.

So here's to all those working moms, SAHMs, homeschool moms, wanderlust moms, crunchy moms, black-sheep moms, nontraditional moms, "lighthouse" moms, supportive partner moms, DIY-er moms, free spirit moms, make-it-happen moms, and equal opportunity moms. Keep traveling because you love it, take your kids with you and they will love it too. The world is one big field trip with lots of amazing things to see. Learn and explore together. Don't believe the lies and sit at home wondering "What if?"... find out for yourself.