Reclaiming My Chic: How Travel Helped Me Find Myself (Again)

Apr 21

There was a moment, probably around the third pair of stretched-out stained leggings and still wearing a nursing bra even though I hadn’t pumped in months, that I realized I *missed me.* I was emerging from the newborn trenches and transitioning to the toddler phase, but I didn’t look like a woman who was finally getting more sleep and attempting to leave the house to reenter society. The abrupt downgrade from “stylish professional” to “frumpy blob” happened quickly during a COVID bedridden twin pregnancy, and I realized the transition back to chic was going to be a much harder uphill climb. Somewhere in the fog of endless dirty diapers and constant snack crumbs, I decided “I want my chic back” and it would be worth the effort.

So What Made Me Want to Reclaim My Chic?

– For a decade I’d been a wedding photographer- constantly surrounded by gorgeous gowns, flawless hair and makeup, beautiful florals, and impeccable design. I knew what beauty was when I saw it. I knew what “given up” looked like too. I had given up on dressing and basic personal grooming. I will spare you the details on my lack of hygiene, but let’s just say we needed to start with the basics- wash your hair, brush your teeth, you know what I mean… Pull yourself away from the “I’ve given up” camp and your mental health will rise up too.

– Dressing up always made me feel fun, happy, and creative. Who doesn’t love a cocktail dress, sequins, and killer heels? Clothes can highlight a personality and send a message to the world. So what message was my holey stained sweatshirt sending? My twins were sporting the cutest rompers and monogrammed bibs- sending the message “look how cute we are, please ooh and ahh over us.” My message was more of exhaustion, frazzled, and this was all I could manage to put together…

– I wanted my inner self to match my outer self. I knew that this was a season of life, but while I was connecting and caring for my new little humans I also had the realization that I wanted them to know their true mom, not this lost woman. I wanted my kids to connect with and know someone who was lively, energetic, organized, and embraced the “joie de vivre.” I didn’t want them to see someone who was letting life run over her.

– And finally, why did I want to reclaim my chic? Because I was afraid if I didn’t do it now then I would be swallowed by the sweatpants and become that body odor stench hermit for years, or more terrifying, permanently. That I would succumb to the “This is just who I am now” argument and my chicness would never resurface. Time was of the essence.

Help From The Chic Women That Came Before Me

I knew I needed inspiration. Proof that it could be done, and had been done, by other mothers. And I don’t mean the trad wives doing it for followers or the moms that have an army of nannies to help them. Let’s be real, you might say you’d love to have a hair and makeup team come get you ready every day but who really wants all those people in your house daily? So where did my *practical* help come from?

My first step was messaging a local clothing boutique owner I know. I’d previously shopped at her store for the occasional event dress, classic staples, and flowy summer dresses with new sandals. But I knew her real passion beyond the storefront was styling people. I asked if she would consider a styling session and pull a rack of clothes for me to try on? I told her that I wanted to look like a put-together, effortless, and fun mom but on the backend the clothing pieces needed to be functional, easy to care for, and create lots of mix-and-match options. When I arrived at the boutique she had a fitting room ready for me with all the correct sizes, walked me through all the potential combinations, and we discussed fit and shape for the ever changing mom-bod. To this day, it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself postpartum. Getting help with a curated capsule wardrobe immediately lifted my mood and felt like a quick win on this “back to chic” journey. She did all the hard parts for me- sourcing the clothes, visualizing the outfits, gathering it all together, and helping me pair. I repeat… a quick win that fueled the fire was transformative.

In conjunction with the styling session I’d decided that my signature style would be “French girl meets Ralph Lauren.” It’s not a groundbreaking combination but I became more intentional about using this filter to look at everything in my closet. And if it didn’t match the aesthetic it was donated. It’s amazing how quickly your house fills up with stuff when you have a baby, and decluttering my closet felt like regaining some breathing room in a personal space. I was ruthless using my style filter and at the end my closet was a lot emptier but I also felt like I had a weight lifted. My closet would no longer contribute to decision fatigue. Everything in there would align with the message I wanted to convey. (If you no longer own grubby t-shirts then you can’t wear them. Simple fact.)

For movie inspiration I turned to the Classics. Tuck the babies in bed and turn on one of these films about women transforming from ugly ducklings into refined ladies.

Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries
Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada
Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady
Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed
Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality

For “joie de vivre” and essence inspiration I turned to these books about life, dining, and entertaining.

Lessons from Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott
At Home with Madame Chic by Jennifer L. Scott
How to be French: Eat Drink Travel Love by Janine Marsh
Home Sweet Maison: The French Art of Making a Home by Danielle Postel-Vinay

For French Auntie inspiration I looked for stylish women that presented themselves elegantly to the world. Jump on Google or Pinterest and do a search for these iconic ladies.

Iris Apfel
Jane Birkin
Diana Vreeland
Coco Chanel

The Trips to Seal the Deal

I felt like I was making headway on my chic mission, but I also needed to do something for the internal me. Travel has always grounded me, given me authentic experiences, and opportunities to grow as a person. I needed a travel aspect to bring the adventurous woman back to the forefront.

Lessons from England: Tweed, Tea, and Understated Cool

Shortly after the twins were born I decided to book a solo work trip to England. It was post Pandemic and in my delirious sleep-deprived state I decided that going to England alone for 10 days would be a great idea (I think most of my other mom friends would have booked something a little less drastic, like a spa weekend 2 hours away). I couldn’t articulate it at the time but I now know that trip was the hard reset button on reclaiming my chic. It allowed me the space to reconnect with myself, gave my body and mind the rest it needed, I could be on my own schedule (instead of based on a feeding schedule), and the ability to do a full inventory or wellness check on myself. The tranquil English countryside and vibrant London created the perfect settings to get a grasp on understated cool, a little edgy, but still intelligent style. I began soaking up the vibrance- Cotswold sunsets, intense flavors in afternoon tea, classic silhouettes with a bold punchy color, traditional tweeds mixed with moderns. I began noticing the small details of life, and feeling confident on my own again.

Nice was Nice, and Necessary

When the twins began Parents’ Day Out I decided it was time for another trip… for good measure. This time it was to the South of France with a girlfriend. Amanda and I discussed what we wanted out of the trip- vintage markets, all the croissants, sun filled days on the shore, architecture, and beauty. And of course copious amounts of champagne. We wanted to linger and embrace the locals’ mentality- life shouldn’t be rushed, there’s always time for a coffee, savor your meals, never be underdressed. We made sure to pack accordingly and set off to observe and embrace the Cote d’Azur ways. I know they say the quickest way to learn a language is through immersion, but I also feel that way about adopting a lifestyle or attitude. French women move through the world effortlessly, and the women of Nice, St. Tropez, and Monte Carlo Monaco were prime examples of how to be chic leading ladies. We welcomed all the habits and nuances that we could learn before returning home.

How I Hold Onto That Feeling at Home

Of course I can’t jet off to Europe every month (but every 6 months sounds like it would be nice), so how do I maintain my chic changes at home? Routine will always try to pull you back down. Shortcuts sound easy in the beginning but often lead to sidetracks. There are a few things I make sure to do every day so that the frump monster doesn’t return after years of effort with positive momentum. Here are some daily rituals you could try:

I style myself from my “French girl Ralph Lauren” side of the closet every day. Loafers, blazer, scarf, handbag, earrings EVERY day. Even if I’m just going to drop the boys off at Parent’s Day Out, I’m the best looking mom in the carpool line. I find that I accomplish more throughout the day by getting out of the pajamas and fuzzy socks, and my energy level is higher. My hair may still be unwashed but at least my outfit is looking intentional!
I apply “French makeup.” Moisturizer, mascara, blush, lip gloss, done. It’s subtle, only takes 2 minutes to apply, and makes me look well rested and refreshed (even if I’ve been up all night with a kid). It keeps my morning routine quick so instead of spending all my time in the bathroom I can have a slow morning drinking tea, checking on my garden, and sitting at the breakfast table with the boys.
To go one step further with your French makeup, add a signature scent, a signature lipstick, or buy an at home gel manicure kit. These three things give the impression that I’ve spent hours getting ready or at the salon but can easily be bought in one Target trip.
When it’s time to make dinner I always light a candle in the kitchen and turn on French, Italian, or instrumental music. It just seems to calm the kitchen during a time of day that can be difficult (afterschool kid zoomies, trying to wrap up work, prepping for the next day). And we always make sure to sit down and eat at the table together. They may not be 2 hour dining events but we do make this a part of our daily family connection. I can usually keep the kids at the table longer if we also have a charcuterie board with lots of finger snacks.
For the house I like to buy a few small luxuries to elevate the mundane. We always have 1 or 2 candles burning, we use the *good* wine glasses, we use The Laundress detergent for washing clothes, we always have fresh flowers in the kitchen sink window so I can enjoy them while washing dishes.

Chic Isn’t Just About Clothes, It’s About Choosing to Feel Like Yourself Again

Sure, there are still days that catch me off guard and I slide back into frumpy clothes (nothing derails me faster than a sickness), but it’s not always about the clothes. Chic is about honoring yourself and being proud and confident of who you are. A shopping spree didn’t make me chic, but a curated capsule wardrobe made it easy. Travel didn’t make me chic, but it reminded me I already had a “Je n’ai sais quoi” and needed to ramp it up again. A trip can immerse you in more ways than language or cuisine. It can show you lifestyles, mentalities, habits, attitudes. Use travel to amplify what you want to be present in your life. Use travel to source inspiration. Bring that inspiration home to your closet, your kitchen, your playlists, your friend group and create your own chic lovely life.

I hope you find your chic and reclaim your identity, no matter what stage of life you’re in. And yes, sometimes that looks like wearing red lipstick while potty training your toddler.